Thrashing
It’s a thrashing day. I’m flailing around internally, fighting myself, angry at myself. I wish I could break things, throw jars and bottles and clocks — anything that would break dramatically —...
View ArticleLivin’ the Butterfly Life
My brain was firing in random directions this morning, as it tends to do while I’m biking to or from work, and I came across an interesting way to think about the cyclic way I approach and experience...
View ArticleOn Butch Identity, Masculinity and Being Intentional
mas·cu·lin·i·ty (msky-ln-t) n. pl. mas·cu·lin·i·ties 1. The quality or condition of being masculine. 2. Something traditionally considered to be characteristic of a male. mas·cu·line (msky-ln) adj....
View ArticleSpring Cleaning
I’m going to start therapy in a couple of days. I met my new therapist a couple of weeks ago and since then I’ve been thinking a lot about what I will be working on – what I want to work on, what I...
View ArticleAffirm
My legs are strong, they can carry me My heart is strong, I will go on loving My chest rises and falls with each cleansing breath I am not alone, even when I am lonely and sad I have been through hell,...
View ArticleProtected: Hidden In Plain Sight
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View ArticleI went walking
Today I went for a walk And I wanted to keep walking Walking away from cubicles and artificial light and artificial drama Away from people and machines Away from connection and responsibility Away from...
View ArticlePausing Again, Breathing a Little More Deeply
Another pause, another chance to catch my breath, another few days wondering when the next shoe will fall. I’ve had a hard couple of weeks, the lows like black holes I could barely escape even if I...
View ArticleAsk Kyle Anything… More Answers to Reader Questions
Lisa Asked “What’s the difference between lust and “in love” for you?” Quick answer is, lust is about the body, the gonads, the physical sex drive to orgasm, wanting to get it on with someone. On the...
View ArticleDis-Connecting
I’ve been feeling a new kind of disconnect or distance internally between myself and the current events that have been so triggering of late. I’ve been looking at that disconnection to understand it...
View ArticleMore on My New Trans Narrative
A follow on thought relate to my last post…. One of the most familiar trans narratives is that of the person who is born into the wrong body, or feels trapped in the wrong body. That narrative has...
View ArticleWriting the Novel, Writing my Life
When I started writing my novel, I saw it as a story about Buddy, a character similar to myself, sharing some of my experiences but having some that I’d never experienced. I knew that writing the bits...
View ArticleThoughts on T
A friend asked me the other day if I was moving closer to transition, meaning medical transition. He’s post top surgery and has been on testosterone for a while and feels awesome and thinks I might...
View ArticleIf You Knew Me…
Part of being a ‘public figure’ is that people tend to think they know you better than they actually do. While it’s true that I put a lot of my real self into this blog and into my other online...
View ArticleEnd of October Update
Tons going on lately… are you ready? Date Number 2 with Ruby! We’ve been heating things up over the interwebs and she’s now promising to pounce on me this Saturday. YES! We’re going to have dinner...
View ArticleWishing I Was Better At This
Maybe it’s the hormones, maybe I’m mentally exhausted from NaNoWriMo month and stress at work. Maybe it’s because I don’t get to see my girlfriend until after the holidays and that makes it harder to...
View Article“What is the worst that could happen?”
I’ve realized something recently, something about the way I handle my true truths and the way I reveal or hide them from others. I’ve had a hard time opening up to some people in my life about what I...
View ArticleImagining Myself Whole
This may end up being a bit rambly, so bear with me if you can. I had a therapy session recently. We talked about my transition work which is all about coming out in my professional life these days....
View ArticleTwo Poems, Unfinished
untitled, unfinished sometimes it hits me just like that like breath caught in my throat like one last step I don’t see so it catches me by surprise brings me to my knees those hours, those moments...
View ArticleDecisions, Decisions
Have you ever done that thing where you believe you’ve been considering and processing and evaluating something for a long time and then you realize that, no, you really weren’t? That’s where I am...
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